3 Tips for Talking to Teenagers + Empathy, Passion and Conviction I Hill Country Homestead

Over the years, we have found ourselves in dark territory. I have extensive experience and education when it comes to toddlers and preschoolers, but not teenagers, nothing. The whining, arguing, testing waters with dishonesty, theft even. Oh, teenagers? Or toddlers? I would never purposefully belittle my teenaged children in comparing them to a toddler. Although, I can see the Lord’s great humor when I find myself re-purposing tactics and phrases that are tried and true for ages 3-6 on teenagers with excellent results. Three key topics cover it with a few specific phrases sprinkled in.

Empathy

No matter the sin. Some of the sins that teenagers come up with can hurt. Meet it with love and empathy. The definition of empathy is ‘to understand and SHARE the feelings of another.’ Also, remember that a lot of life circumstances are new to teenagers, so they are going to mess up, and it’s our job as parents to love the sinner and hate the sin. Some phrases we use in the Montessori schoolroom that helps calm fired emotions and begin working towards peace are:

-I can see that you are hurting.

-Thank you for sharing that with me.

-I know you're angry with me – I'm glad you are honest with me.

-I've felt that way too.

These phrases also work well with a conflicted teenager. Montessori teacher training requires a year of internship using phrases like these, making them part of the permanent language for the adult. I would suggest memorizing them, reciting them out loud because these statements are not the knee jerk response in the thick of affliction with your child.

Passion

The family as a whole should have shared passions. Some of our favorites are and have been ( It changes through the years): family Walks, board games, Mario Cart, eating dinner together outdoors, cooking, and grilling; Anything that can be a shared joy. A quick road trip can do a world of good to reset relationships and refresh spirits. A weekly family meeting can be a great place to decide on things to do that everyone would enjoy. Sometimes you just have to drag the teenager along and eventually they get over it.

Conviction or you could say ‘Natural Consequences’

Conviction and judgment is not our job as parents. It IS our job to manage the devices and influences in our children’s lives. This would look like removing the option to go to the movie theatre if poor behavior is taking place there. That’s a natural consequence. You can’t go in public if you can’t act right — not judgment, just natural. Conviction comes with the consequence, and not always in the first round, so take heart. It is NOT our job to convict, though. That’s only something that can come from within the child with practice and continuous prayer on the parent’s part.

Most of all, prayer and petition for your child. As parents, we are up against forces not of this world. If you are using prayer over your child, room to room of your home, and as a family, there is victory over those dark forces. Here are some great resources to help with an empathetic mindset, even when kids are acting crazy: